Fitness Trends For 2014 (Not The Usual Suspects).

The official ACSM list of fitness trends for 2014 can be found here. Yeah, high intensity interval training, bodyweight training blah blah, catch up fitness industry and media hacks, that's so 2008. The real fitness trends and hot predictions are listed below:

No.1: Bicep Curls or if you are a female - tricep extensions (or if you are a patronising fitness expert appearing on daytime TV in January 'working on the bingo wings ladies').

The bicep curl will always be number one in the gym. If you spend more than 2 hours in any gym at least one guy will come in and start his workout by warming up with some alternating dumbbell curls while standing exceptionally close to the dumbbell rack.

The bicep curl is so versatile, too tired to squat? You will still have enough energy to do some arms. Hard conditioning session? Always time to work on the guns at the end.

Can you see how complicated this is? Of course it needs to be trained every workout.

The bicep is essentially three muscles that cross the elbow and shoulder joint (or if you are Charles Poliquin probably 23 muscles -each with a unique action) but at last count there are approximately 23,000 bicep exercises. Because it doesn't matter that it may be one of the smallest muscle groups you work on - it is the most important. No one can tell if you workout if you only do legs and have to wear trousers. But biceps, there is always time to put on a tight T-shirt and pump up before heading out.

No.2: 30 minutes on the x-trainer/ elliptical if you are female or Chest Day if you are male.

It doesn't matter how much people tell you that you don't need to do steady state cardio to lose weight, or that weight loss is all about nutrition, because as a female you know that the real key to success is the x-trainer. Whatever  fancy program your trainer gave you with weights and kettlebells and functional shit and HIIT it doesn't matter; because deep down you know the key to all physique goals is the x-trainer. Plus all that stuff is too hard, and you can't remember how to do it plus there is no TV attached to the kettlebell so you can't watch Hollyoaks while instagramming fitness inspiration pictures.

For Chest Day refer back to no.1, there is always time for chest, and Monday has been international bench press day since the beginning of time or at least the beginning of Golds Gym in California. And all those dopes doing bodyweight stuff are just clogging up the area that you need to scatter weight plates around the flat bench to prove how much you can lift.

No.3: Paleo & Ketogenic Backlash.

You tried paleo and it was fucking hard and you didn't transform in to a paleolithic warrior in 7 days. Plus no one knows if you can eat a freakin' potato or not (sweet potatoes are okay but no one knows why) and if you so much as look at a legume your intestines will explode. If you write a paleo book be sure to make sure that whatever you like and don't want to give up is considered paleo - this normally means coffee, red wine, chocolate (Swiss paleo) or milk (as long as the milk is from a wild cow and you milk it yourself).

Potato: Can I eat this or not?

Plus those coconut farmers need a break, Somewhere in Hawaii or Southeast Asia or wherever all the coconut oil comes from, some of those farmers have been working 24/7 since The Paleo Solution was released. And if the world runs out of coconuts all the Paleo/ Keto people are screwed. And there will be mass panic at your nearest Crossfit Box.

Give it a rest paleo people, these fellas need a day off

As for the ketogenic diet, the Italian Pasta Cartel is not going to stand for it anymore. As pasta sales plummet they realise this madness has got to stop. They are going to 'take care of' Robb Wolf, Mark Sissons and Tim Noakes for sure.

Expect some of your favourite fitness and diet gurus to change their mind and decide that now you have to eat high carb and low fat; bran flakes, pasta and rice galore. As you already bought their last book, you are going to buy this one too.

In the future we will discover that High Fructose Corn Syrup is actually a health food. Much like when Woody Allen wakes up in the future in the film Sleeper, his character was the owner of a health food store, but in the future they have realised that all that health food is actually bad for you.

Dialogue from the film Sleeper

Dr. Melik: Well, he's fully recovered, except for a few minor kinks.
Dr. Agon: Has he asked for anything special?
Dr. Melik: Yes, this morning for breakfast. He requested something called wheat germ, organic honey and tiger's milk.
Dr. Agon: [ laughs ] Oh, yes. Those were the charmed substances...That some years ago were felt to contain life-preserving properties.
Dr. Melik: You mean there was no deep fat? No steak or cream pies? Or hot fudge?
Dr. Agon: Those were thought to be unhealthy, precisely the opposite of what we now know to be true.
Dr. Melik: Incredible.

Source: www.Explore-Science-Fiction-Movies.com

Woody Allen in Sleeper

Stay confused and consume.

No.4: 700Ibs Deadlifts.

There are now a record number of elite powerlifters who only ever lift in their garage or on the internet. You rarely see them in the gym, I guess because they are all at home lifting 700Ibs but unfortunately they don't have a video camera. The 600Ibs deadlift is now so common that most lifters achieve it within weeks of reading Starting Strength and critiquing Supertraining and claiming that those Westside guys are all pussies; so the only place left to go is the 700Ibs deadlift.

Strangely, I don't see so many people claiming sub 2.10 marathons, I guess because you can't do that in a garage.

No.5: Some crazy kids toy/ bongo fusion disguised as the latest fitness tool.

Right now there is some guy, probably in California or Australia or New Zealand figuring out how he can part you with your cash.

The quickest way to come up with the latest fitness gimmick is to take a kids toy like a hula hoop and then combine it with some high energy music, then brand it, licence it, and claim it burns fat and works the core better than anything else.

But most of the obvious stuff has been done, for the fitness entrepreneur this means some lateral thinking is required. How about taking one of  those pedal powered cars the kids drive in the film Bugsy Malone and turning it into a cardio machine. Or how about the new dance sensation - Polka, combined with Flag Signals - I call it Polkwa. A total body conditioner plus practical if you get lost at sea or find yourself at a wedding in Central Europe.

Car from Bugsy Malone: Strap a TV on this and you've got a new cardio machine

No doubt Gym Box already has these classes, so please don't write to me.

I've combines Polka and Flag waving - I call it Polkwa.

No.6: Barefoot Backlash.

It turns out barefoot running didn't turn you into a Kenyan overnight, plus your calves hurt and it took a lot of goddamn effort.

As is human nature, rather than finding a middle way, we swing to the other extreme. How about attaching a couple of sponges to your feet or those springy pogo stick shoes that Saturday morning kids TV presenters would bounce around on back when such TV existed. Unfortunately, Flubber doesn't exist, or does it? How about a pair of Hokas. Or how about training, or doing some strength training, or work on your mobility or not thinking there is an equipment solution to a fitness problem.

Hoka - It's the French word for Flubber

No. 7: Sit-Up And Crunch Comeback.

Unless you work in a commercial gym, in which case, you just stopped doing them because you read the research from 2002.

The tricky thing about those researchers is they keep saying it depends, it depends on the client, it depends on their goals, it depends on their spine morphology. Well that's no good, you want a six pack and so do your clients. And all this 'it depends' is no good for debating on the internet, there can be no grey area.

Abs are not made in the kitchen, they are made on the sit up bench.

Plus, your favourite MMA/ Boxing fighter does 1000's of sit ups so they must be okay. And whats more Crossfitters do those sit ups on the Glute Ham Raise and none of them are injured. And you're bored and your clients are bored of planks. Crunch ahoy! Much like bicep curls there is always time for some isolated core work.

No.8: Special Selfie/ Instagram Zones At The Gym.

You're at the gym and you need to take a picture to prove you're at the gym and so everyone knows what a rich and fulfilling life you lead; and to motivate all your followers on Instagram. Except the lighting's no good and you left your phone in the car. No problem, this is an idea I stole when visiting Guinness Storehouse in Dublin - they take a picture of you pouring a pint and then you can go to one of their ipads and share the picture on facebook. Genius!

This is exactly what the gym needs! The special selfie zone will have the right amount of lighting to make you look thin/ pumped/ ripped and you can share the picture instantly on social media. No need to take pictures of yourself surreptitiously in the changing rooms or look like a dick while your friend videos you on the calf raise machine. You can focus on what the gym is really about, telling other people you are there, so you can feel smug.

No.9: Weightlifting Shoes As Fashion Accessory.

Your Mum has bought you some new weightlifting shoes. The only problem is only the Bros you lift with are going to see them. Or if you bought them yourself, you spent a fair amount of cash on them - but you only get to wear them at the gym a few hours a week.

Solution: Start to wear them out and about. You will look taller, in the event of a fight you basically have two lumps of wood strapped to your feet, plus in the club on the dancefloor while making some shapes you can easily hit a deep squat/ cossack move and impress all the chicks (at least one of who is bound to be a bikini competitor - result!)

Do you know how much these cost? Damn right I'm wearing them to the pub

No.10: Some New Social Media Network You Haven't Heard Of Yet.

Facebook will be dead by the end of the year or maybe tTwitter will be or MySpace will make a comeback, I dunno. Or someone will invent a new social network. We all need more outlets to tell people what we are doing. Picture of your paleo dinner on Instagram? Check. Motivational quote on Twitter? Check. Awesome Bicep curl video uploaded on Facebook? Check. But its not enough. We need more.

No.11: Les Mills - times they are a changin. (A serious one).

Les Mills have been using the same payment model forever. The likes of bodybalance, pump, combat etc are massive in health clubs. If you have never heard of them you probably don't go to a health club. I guess way more people do Les Mills than do Crossfit. But Crossfit has appeared in The Huffington Post, The New Yorker and the British Press. It really is in the zeitgeist. Les Mills hasn't - epic fail. If you run 3 or 4 Les Mills programs it costs the same as having a Crossfit affiliation for the year. Crossfit is also sponsored by Reebok and has created a tribe effect. Food for thought there.

Camille Leblanc - apparently she does Crossfit, which unlike Les Mills you've probably heard of.

I thought Zumba or Bokwa or Bootcamps would kill Les Mills, as they are either licence free or make the instructor pay the licence. With the new music licencing laws in the UK - health clubs have to pay the money themselves and can't make the self employed instructor pay for it. And then there is all the quarterly workshops. In the end Les Mills will euthanize itself unless it catches up to way things work and gives you a bit more for your money than a few posters and leaflets. They need to use the same tactics as Crossfit or your class studio will be or already is a Crossfit box.

No.12:  People On Blogs Writing Lists Of Fitness Trends.

Yep, we all love a top ten list and predictions about fitness trends. Look on the bright side, unlike a newspaper you didn't have to pay to read this and unlike something written by some weary Journo, it's not some regurgitated list from 2008. Some newspapers and magazines seem to think their readers have never seen the internet or used Google and are already behind the zeitgeist by the time they get round to reporting stuff. Rant over. Do what you enjoy.

"Don't follow leaders, watch your parking meters."  Bob Dylan

Happy New Year Fitness World, make 2014 a healthy one. Another year lost in fitness.

Of course

Young Guns Working on the Guns

      Certain things are gym lore, these are almost universal truths. For example, Monday is international chest and bench day, 9 out of 10 women will start their workout on a cross trainer, most endurance athletes would rather squirt energy gel into their eyeballs than do any strength training, 50% of guys are unable to do any leg training because they already play football (that's soccer if you are an Americano) and they have a mysterious knee injury which will result in their legs exploding if they do a squat or deadlift; and most young guys want to work on their chest and arms.

Some young guns make it and some end up getting arrested in hotel rooms free-basing with a hooker

Now, making the decision to come to the gym or starting weight training is a laudable decision, especially for a young guy with so many distractions, and some come along to improve for a sport but most just want to get big. Same as it ever was. It seems in recent years more and more young guys (and by this I mean 14 -18 year olds) have been subjected to peer pressure and media pressure to have a certain body shape (i.e. get muscles, get hooge, get buff) whereas most girls want to lose weight regardless of how much they weigh (but that's a whole other story).

The initial conversation between the instructor and the young gun normally goes something like this:

World Weary Fitness Instructor: So, what would you like to achieve?
Young Gun: Improve my fitness and work on my chest and biceps
WWFI: Ok, have you done any weight training before?
YG: I've got some weights at home, I do some bicep curls & chest work
WWFI: Do you do any leg work, do you want to work on any other body parts?
YG: I play football so I don't really need to do any leg work and/or I have this knee injury which means I can't really do any weights for my legs. Mainly want to work on getting my upper body bigger and do some running for my fitness.
WWFI: I see, exercises like squats and deadlifts are really total body exercises that are going to help your whole body bigger & stronger....
YG: (Blank look)
WWFI: Ok, lets have a look at your nutrition, what would you normally eat throughout the day
YG: Cheerios for breakfast, then maybe a Dr.Pepper and a bag of quavers mid morning, a sandwich if I remember, whatever my mum makes for dinner and a bottle of lucozade during football training.
WWFI: If you want to put on muscle you really need to eat more, like double the amount of calories your eating now. Try and eat protein and vegetables at every meal.
YG: I don't want to get fat though, I want to keep my six pack
WWFI: With your body shape and type it's going to be pretty difficult to put on muscle without going into calorie surplus and maybe putting on some fat, I mean currently your bodyfat is like 8% and with all that football training and running you want to do it's going to be hard without eating a lot more.
YG: Hmm, I see, so what you're saying is I need to take creatine and buy a protein supplement
WWFI: No. you need to eat more and eat better first, and maybe focus on one goal at a time. If you get stronger you're probably going to be increasing muscle mass at the same time, but you need the nutrients for your muscles to grow.........(pause/silence). So how many times a week do you want to come to the gym
YG: Maybe 2 times week, maybe 3 times, I was thinking everyday to begin with.
WWFI: Ok, well if we aim for weight training 3 times a week that's a good place to start. We can go for a total body routine, using mainly compound movements, all the research and years of experience from old time lifters show that you should hit a muscle twice a week for optimal results. So we might hit chest on Monday with some flat bench press and low reps and then maybe hit again on Friday with some incline dumbbell presses with the classic 3 x 8-12. Same with back and shoulders and legs.
YG: Hmm, but I read in Muscular Numbnut magazine that I need to split my routine up and do chest one day, and back another day and biceps and triceps.
WWFI: Yeah you can do split routines but then you are only hitting your chest once a week. All the research shows you can hit it twice, and you maybe only need 1 or 2 exercises per body part per session. There are loads of ways of splitting your routine, total body, upper/lower body split, push/pull etc. And yeah, maybe if you want you can throw in a few sets of bicep curls at the end of your session, but I really wouldn't bother with much more than that for biceps to begin with. Focus on the basic, big compound lifts and get good at them. And most of those 6 day split routines are done by genetically gifted guys on anabolic steroids, they can practically do anything and get results. Anyway, we better hit the gym floor and do some exercise.

etc etc and so it goes.

Now at this point we get round to the routine. Now I know that there are quite a few basic routines that are going to work, the basic strength routine outlined by Rippetoe consisting of basically squats, bench press, press and deadlifts, any 5 x 5 variation, all the things outlined by Brooks Kubik in Dinosaur Training, some of the deceptively simple training routines outlined by Marty Gallagher in The Purposeful Primitive - some of which were used by the best of the best in the pre-steroid era, and some of the ideas outlined by Stuart McRobert in Beyond Brawn for the ectomorph hardgainer.

And I also know what the research shows. (If you haven't got a couple of years spare to read Supertraining or trawl pub med  I would recommend reading Lyle McDonalds series on weight training which encapsulates it nicely or get Matt Perrymans ebook - which is free if you don't feel like donating to him you cheap skates).

And I also know that if you are young and untrained, pretty much anything will work if you train with the right intensity, progressively overload and eat enough. 

BUT, I'm also not naive and I'm realistic. Doing only deadlifts, squats and presses can be boring when you've got a gym full of equipment around you. And nearly everyone is going to throw in some bicep curls and tricep isolation work whether it's on their program or not. And to be honest, anyone I ever met with decent biceps did some isolation work at some point (Hey, we all like to do a few bicep curls on a Sunday, it's beach muscle day, okay 4 different exercises for biceps using the cable, dumbbells, barbells and preacher bench, oh lord I want 20 inch guns, the preacher curl bench is a cruel mistress, it promises so much and delivers so little!).

The preacher curl - a cruel mistress

And the other factors to consider are the lack of strength and mobility I encounter with this population. These are not necessarily overweight kids, but your typical skinny ectomorph, its surprising how many of these can't do a decent press up or bodyweight squat, and most can't do a bodyweight pull up or chin up. I think some of the awkwardness displayed with the squat might be because they are still growing, the 14-15 year old can look like they have legs or a torso that is too long for the rest of their body, because they haven't finished growing yet. And many have hyper-kyphotic postures (I was that kid, so I know what it's like). This all informs the exercises I prescribe.

Listen carefully young padawan (warning: star wars reference)

So this might be heresy to some strength coaches, but I normally end up using a combination of machines, bodyweight and freeweight exercises. If I'm feeling really optimistic I might even do some mobility work like scapula wall slides and prisoner squats and hip bridges and hip flexor stretches - though mostly I'm wasting my time here because I know the young padawan is not going to do any of this when they train by themselves. Then I might do some goblet squats for to groove that technique in and work on their squat pattern before going near a barbell or I might even do some lunges or step ups. Then there will be some basics, if they can't deadlift from the floor without rounding the back, I might start with rack deadlifts, and there will be the bench press or dumbbell press in there somewhere. And for back there might be some assisted chins and pull ups on one day, and the latpulldown on another and then either the machine row or dumbbell row on another day, and maybe some cable face pulls for posture. And even one bicep exercise to keep them happy and some dips or assisted dips. And one day might be a strength day, down at 5 reps and another a classic 3 x 10 with some different exercises and another maybe some bodyweight press ups, lunges, and some plank to press ups to strengthen the core etc. Not normally anymore than 4 to 6 exercises in a workout.

And then I tell them to go and train hard and stick to the basics and progress on the compound lifts, and don't be drawn into doing loads of pointless isolation work and not to be swayed by their friends and get sucked into endless bicep curls and partial movements.

And two weeks pass and it's welcome to the gun show.

At this point collective teenage wisdom and group think have kicked in. And now there are group of them doing synchronised bicep curls (or more like synchronised partial rep, disc herniation, erector spinae curls). The rationale being: If I haven't seen results in two weeks then there must be something wrong with the routine and I need to do more. The weekly training split now looks like this

Monday: Chest & Triceps (except the bench is really busy, so throw in some bicep curls while waiting
Tuesday: Back & Biceps, must use lifting straps in the latpulldown
Wednesday: Leg day (which means football training), before football training go to the gym and do traps, (because can't quite decide whether it should be done on back or shoulder day), throw in some wrist curls for forearms as well
Thursday: Shoulders, man alive shoulders are complicated, need to do side, front, rear raises, as well as dumbbell press, Arnie press, machine press and as many redundant exercises as I can think of. Biceps are looking small do some more curls
Friday: Pre night out pump, curl and bench press high reps to get pumped up for night out
Saturday: Man, I drunk too much last night and eat that kebab, looking fat, need to go to gym to sweat toxins out and burn off those calories, 30 min treadmill run and 1000 crunches should do it
Sunday: Play football, this counts as a leg workout
 

when in doubt, load up the weight and go partial (image staged for dramatic purposes)

And then at some point it becomes about how much weight you can lift with terrible form. Hmm, just can't seem to lift anymore on the flat bench press... hang on why not do a decline smith machine partial rep partner assisted press? Bingo! I just increased my one rep max, my chest is bound to get bigger now. (It's a well known fact that both Arnie & Ed Coan used the decline partial rep smith machine press - that's a joke by the way).

Decline smith machine partial rep partner assisted press. Partner shouting 'It's all you' is optional. Recreated here purely for dramatic purposes, don't try this at home kids!

Then they come and say something like this to you. "I don't think I'm doing enough for my chest, I read on anabolicarsehole.com that to really shape my lower outer pec I need to do cable flyes angled at 37 degrees" And you say "Kid, you ain't got no pecs yet, you're shaping bone, go and do some full range presses and drink some chocolate milk."

At this point you know they've been lost to the cause. Maybe they'll see the error of their ways in a few years time, maybe they'll get chatting to a guy in the gym who's been training the right way and looks the part, maybe they'll see something on the Internet or maybe they'll be watching Anchorman and something in their brain will click.

Ron Burgundy training: Much like Sex Panther, the concentration curl is actually illegal in 9 countries

Or they'll stop playing football because their knees hurt, and realise their legs look like a couple of pipe cleaners and then maybe they'll think about doing some squatting

It seems hard to believe in this day and age that people can't access the right information on training. When I was younger all there was was Muscle and Fitness and Flex magazine and Joe Weider, all you read about were split routines and bodybuilders. The information about how old time strongmen and athletes trained just wasn't available, those books weren't in the shops, there was no internet to find them on, to research anything you had to have access to an academic library. Now, all that information is readily available but still in gym culture young guys gravitate to the bodybuilder split routines, one body part per week. And there is a time and a place for these routines, but as outline there are other ways and roads, some quicker and more direct for the non drug using trainee. But sometimes the right path is the hardest. Is there too much information available now, too much info, not enough knowledge, it's difficult to know who to believe if you're new to the whole thing.

But I see glimmers of hope, guys using the power rack more, women lifting weights, Olympic lifting rising from the underground and instructors who want to coach rather than press quickstart. Time will tell. One things for sure though, the bicep curl is here to stay!

Now, go and watch this clip of the film Network, just because