New Morning.

Where walls meet and coffee cups are made.

An oblate spheroid has spun round one more time and orbited a giant fireball. Due to an arbitrary decision made a millennia ago, you woke up and a new year had begun.

Over the last year practically every cell in your body has been replaced and renewed. You are a new version of yourself but a year older. The atoms that make you up have been around since the beginning of the universe... and still you can't figure out what your new year resolutions should be.

An infinite number of possibilities brought you to this exact moment, most of which are unknowable. I am typing on a computer invented by someone in California, containing precious elements mined in Africa or Asia, which lay buried in the ground for millions of years, drinking a coffee farmed somewhere in South America, in a cup made of earth fired in a kiln, with milk from a cow in England, all made using a machine made of metal dug out of the earth and run using electricity burning in a power station somewhere, I'm sitting in a room where the walls meet at a perfect right angle, built before I was born by a person who was skilled at things I can't even comprehend how to do. All of this is one moment, all of those things took thousands of humans, thousands of years to perfect, it is beyond the imagination of just one person.

We want to see certainty, meaning, patterns, logic and reason, and when we don't the universe seems like it was built on shaky ground.

No i ching throwing, fortune telling, tarot card reading, astrologer will be able to make sense of it for you, there are just too many variables.

All these infinite events will coalesce into moments you will remember over the next year.

Fragments.

Through a grubby bus window the sun will hit the hoar frost on the fields, and for a second the prosaic and poetic collide and everything will seem perfect, as it should be.

Other times. The sun comes up like a piss stain streaked across an old tramps blanket. But you will still get up and start another day.

But most days are in the middle. Most conversations you will forget, in a lifetime only a handful will stick; same with people.

3am and you'll wake up haunted by things that don't matter and somethings that do, and there will be nothing you can do.

Fragments will spin out of your brain; driving into Reno in the sleeting rain, watching a hillside fire in the Mediterranean, standing under an aircraft wing sheltering from the rain, watching the bodies burn at Pashupatinath. What seeps out of your brain will be unique to you and meaningful to you alone.

Memories, are they what make you 'you'?

Kindness and Gratitude.

The year in review, a long list things you've forgotten. Then your own year in review, for me I didn't read Proust or War and Peace, I didn't write a novel, didn't even have an idea for a novel. Didn't start a PhD or MSc in Neuroscience or anything, didn't run more than a few miles, did no events. But then, be kind to yourself. I do live in a great place with a great partner and a great son, I met some good people and had some good conversations; went to some new places. Everyday life is full of highlights, a cup of coffee here, a laugh at work there. These moments form a life.

Don't go in with too many fixed ideas. What you thought were your goals, may not ultimately be the ones you need to pursue.

The only responses that seem to make sense in the face of all this chaos and stuff is to be kind. Be kind to yourself and others, in a world where we are all trying to be happy and make connections.

And gratitude, to be thankful for the little things that make make up each day and manage to puncture through the hardness of it all.

Try and find a sense of purpose in the moment, every moment. This does not mean everything you do has to be imbued with mystical meaning. The fact that the sun comes up, rain falls from the sky and we are in a nondescript corner of the universe where I'm writing this and you are reading this, despite all the other infinite possibilities of things we could have been doing is mystical enough for any one day.

Goals. The Why.

'comfort is overrated' see the video below.



Anything that involves learning something new or doing something new will be uncomfortable. People like the idea of speaking a new language. They can visualize themselves sitting in an Italian cafe conversing with the locals fluently, what they don't want to visualize is the hard slog of remembering verbs and making mistakes. Ultimately they don't want to look or feel stupid, which is probably the main reason most adults don't try new things or learn new subjects, the ego is fragile.

In the words of Zen fella John Tarrant Roshi

"There is no end to the suffering caused by comparison."

Whether that be comparison with others or comparing yourself to what you think you should be.

Why do those new year resolutions fail? Is it because people are stuck in the future goal, they don't like the process, it brings them no satisfaction. There is no real sense of purpose, except some vague idea of capturing their lost youth by weighing the same as they did when they were eighteen. The most satisfied people love the process of training, gym or running or classes, or whatever they are learning or doing.

It's the reason your 1 day or 7 day free gym trial wont work. People who take these out have no investment in the process and 7 days isn't long enough for them to start enjoying it. It is long enough to remind them they can't achieve anything in 7 days, their goal is harder than they thought, will take longer than they thought and involves something they don't get that much pleasure from. It reminds them of their mortality, that life is short and to give up and go and do something they do enjoy doing like watching Netflix or going to the pub.

The guiding lights for the next year:

3 principles as outlined by Richard Nisbett (2015:225) and which underlie Eastern thought:

1) Principle of change: Reality is a process of change. What is currently true will shortly be false.
2) Principle of contradiction: Contradiction is the dynamic underlying change. Because change is constant, contradiction is constant.
3) Principle of relationships(holism): The whole is more than the sum of its parts. Parts are meaningful only in relation to the whole.

Is it worth having a goal, or plans, or resolutions?

Here is a little exchange:

Dizang asked "Where are you going?"
Fayan said "Around on pilgrimage."
Dizang asked "What is the purpose of pilgrimage?"
Fayan replied "I don't know."
Dizang responded "Not knowing is most intimate."

Replace the word pilgrimage in the third line with the word 'goals', or 'resolutions' or 'relationshsips'.

If through all of the information, chaos, infinite decisions, fuzziness and confusion that life throws, you somehow become aware of a clear goal or subject or area of interest or something that sparks something in you; then go for it, cling to that life raft.

The burning questions and ideas that keep coming back to you, they are your life koan. The ones you carry around with you your entire life.

It's up to you, the most important thing is to enjoy the process, to find things that are satisfying, and mostly these are things that are out of your comfort zone. The years are spinning on, you are wearing down, but there are still infinite moments to enjoy, little things. You can always learn and renew.

You don't need to retreat to the woods to 'suck the marrow out of life' or 'to live deliberately', you can do it in everyday humdrum life and make it meaningful. You don't need someone elses list of goals.

And of course, sometimes the best thing to do is binge watch a TV series on Netflix and have a beer.

It's a new morning, a new day, a new beginning, a new moment. It always is.

Happy New Year, have a good 2018 or whichever year you are in.

"Great understanding is broad and unhurried; little understanding is cramped and busy. Great words are clear and limpid; little words are shrill and quarrelsome. In sleep, people’s spirits go visiting; in waking hours, their bodies hustle. With everything they meet they become entangled. Day after day they use their minds. in strife, sometimes grandiose, sometimes sly, sometimes petty. Their little fears are mean and trembly; their great fears are stunned and overwhelming. They bound off like an arrow or crossbow bolt, certain that they are arbiters of right and wrong. They cling to their position as though they had sworn before the gods, sure that they are holding on to victory. They fade like fall into winter—such is the way they dwindle day by day. They drown in what they do—you cannot make them turn back. They grow dark, as though sealed with seals—such are the excesses of their old age. And as they draw near to death, nothing can restore their minds to the light."

- The complete works of Zhuangzi, Burton Watson translation, Ch, 2, p.8 

Other references:

The idea of infinite unknowable things, pilgrimage quote and John Tarrant quote taken from a day workshop on Freedom & Intimacy by Kevin Jikai Pickard at Zenways.

Nisbett, R (2015) Mindware. Tools for Smart Thinking. Penguin.

The Shadow of the Future*

Near Year. Always new beginnings.

Everyday a new beginning.

You will start something with good intentions, and give up and fail. It doesn't matter. Begin again.

You will write down goals that you will miss. Begin again.

You will start something and succeed.

You will achieve something.

Lose weight, get fit, enter a 5k, 10k, 50k, climb a mountain, read a book, learn an instrument, start a course, learn to cook. You can choose to start whatever you want to. You can begin something new now.

The edited highlights of someone elses life on social media will make you feel like you are missing out. You are not.

The perfect filtered picture on instagram will make you feel that you are not good enough. You are good enough.

You will promise yourself you will eat healthier and exercise. You will fall off the wagon. Begin again.

You will be scared and anxious and wonder if the rain will ever stop. But you will get up and begin another day.

Other people will be scared and anxious and frightened. They will not tell you this.

There will be lost loves and lost opportunities.

There are other opportunities. Do not squander them.

You will lose someone you love. There will be someone who loves you.

You will try your best. But at times it will seem half arsed. It doesn't matter. Begin again.

You will have an argument with someone you care about.

You will say something stupid and dumb. You wont know why.  Don't worry, this is not who you are. You will try and be better and more understanding. Be better. Begin again.

You will be misunderstood and you will misunderstand other people.

You will cut someone up in traffic. You will be cut up in traffic. There will be cancelled trains, and delayed planes and crowded stations. They are only moments. They will pass. You will begin again.

You will do a good job. You will do a bad job. No matter, either way begin again.

These moments will not define your life.

Someone will make you laugh out loud. You may cry.

You will forget something important. You will remember a pointless fact about a TV show or song.

A celebrity will die. A celebrity you've never heard of will get married or divorced.

There will be a war in a place you've never heard of, and people will die.

And millions of people will be kind and generous. And it wont be reported.

Someone will sit on their ass and not do a damn thing. This does not affect you.

Your goals are your own. Do not do them for other people.

Your failures are you are your own. Do not blame others.

You will make mistakes. Accept, apologise if necessary. Begin again.

Governments will change and fall and you will get up and go for a run as usual, roll out your mat or lift that weight.

There will be someone you will never speak to or see again.

You will meet new people. They will meet you. You can't trust your internal voice and they can't trust theirs either.

Someone will say something that pisses you off, or will be a dumbass. It doesn't mean that is who they are. Let them begin again.

Give people the benefit of the doubt. But don't accept dogmatism and hatred.

Choose weightlifting, or running, or yoga, or powerlifting, or walking, or cycling. You can choose your path. It is okay to change your path.

Don't hate yourself because you ate a dessert or missed a training session or got drunk.

You are not a bad person because you ate a chocolate bar.

Be kind to yourself and begin again.

Everything you will ever know or experience will be from a first person perspective.

You can let the past cast a shadow or you can let it go.

The shadow of the future has no shape yet.

You don't have to be the same person you were yesterday. You can wake up  and start again. Brand new.

You will forget all this in the heat of the moment.

All you can do is try your best.

Only one outcome is certain.

Every moment, every breath is an opportunity to begin again.

Start now.

Get some perspective.

*The shadow of the future is a term from Game Theory. In Game Theory you generally have the chance to co-operate with an opponent or be selfish and make a pre-emptive strike, but they could also do the same. However, if you are likely to meet the person in the future it is always best to co-operate. In general a strategy of 1)Be nice 2)Reciprocate 3) Don't be envious 4) Don't be too clever, always outperforms all other strategies in Game Theory. Life lesson - always start by being nice to people, and co-operate where possible. Plus 'The shadow of the future' is a cool title.

The (almost) universal belief that January will be different.

We humans like landmarks, patterns and milestones.

No one starts a new diet on a Tuesday afternoon in December (and if you did, please don't write to me to prove I'm wrong).

But people start new exercise programmes on Monday mornings all the time, and at the start of the month, and especially in January.

Even though these days and months are arbitrary.

And what's more, we are more likely to write something off if we fail early. Well, I've eaten badly all day, no point starting now, this evening, might as well wait until tomorrow.

Missed exercise on Monday and Tuesday, no point starting now, might as well write off the whole week and start next week.

And I'm half way through the month, no point starting now, I will wait until next month, next year. January, the mother of all beginnings, the mother of all failures.

I wonder if in countries where the new year starts in February or the day of rest is Friday or Saturday the same thing happens?

Of course, the best time to start is now. Right now. There is no other time. You don't need a specific plan, you don't need to wait until your organic paleo meat/veg box arrives or buy those new trainers.

As my colleague once said (and I'm paraphrasing) 'I could give the best programme right now, I could give you George St Pierre's programme but it won't make you George St Pierre, you don't need a programme, you need a habit, and you need to stop that other habit you have of drinking a bottle of wine a night; that will do more than any programme or personal training session.'

How to fail 100% guaranteed and how to succeed.

The number one easiest way to fail is to be vague. Nebulous statements like I want to get fit, eat more healthily and have more energy are a road to failure. Well, how much energy do you have right now, how much do you want to have? It's like saying you want to be happy. What specifically is going to make you happy. This is why most people entering the gym in January will fail, they have a vague idea that they want something to be better, but they don't know what.

They want the future to be a certain way but they don't really know how (see Daniel Gilbert's book Stumbling on Happiness, for a more complete discussion of why people are bad at predicting the future and what will make them happy). Hint: Your view of the future is distorted by the present, for the same reason the produces of Back to the Future II thought 2015 would be full of fax machines.

The second way is making the goal too easy. If there are no consequences, if it can be achieved easily you are more likely not to bother. Yeah, I'll get around to that at some point, it doesn't matter if I skip this workout or eat 2 kilos of Dairy Milk.

As Heidi Halvorson in her book Succeed says

"Difficult but possible is the key. That's because more difficult goals cause you to, often unconsciously, increase your effort, focus, and commitment to the goal; persist longer; and make better use of the most effective strategies."

and

"Most goals worth achieving require time, planning, effort, and persistence."

Case in point number 1:

I entered the Leadville 100 trail run in 2014. It just so happened that the day you can enter is 1st January. For me this was a big goal. It wasn't until August, but I went out for a run that day. I knew it was difficult, and furthermore it had cost me a couple of hundred dollars to enter and I had a plane ticket to Denver that cost me $1000. Therefore, there were physical and economical reasons why I was not going to go at this half hearted. For me, a local 10k race wasn't going to cut it, it wouldn't have had the same effect; it would not have made me go out and run in the rain and snow - I would have skipped training sessions.

But everything is relative. The goal should be difficult for you, whatever that may be and you have to attach consequences.

And the last reason for failure is lack of planning.

I often hear people saying they are going to attend the gym 2-3 x week. This is not a plan, its a wish. A plan would be writing down exactly what days and times they are going to the gym, what the routine will be etc etc.  Most people don't do this, they don't want to be held accountable. Even though the research shows this is the way to do it.

Again to quote Heidi Halvorson

"Planning when, where, and how you will take the actions needed to reach your goal is probably the single most effective thing you can do to increase your chances of success."

Now, I have written before about SMART goals here and here , and I don't think it necessarily has to be in that format.

And for me intent and 'wanting something' comes before planning. For example, I could write a detailed plan about how to become an accountant. But I am never going to do it because 1) I have no interest in being an accountant and 2) There are no consequences if I don't become one.

Conversely, when it comes to exercise I don't have a plan. The thing is I find training intrinsically motivating and satisfying, I enjoy going to the gym 3 or 5 times a week. I like training and lifting weights for the sake of it with no outcome goals. However, training for 100 mile run is different, for me that needed a plan and a mindset change.

And for me nutrition is something where I can easily drift off into a world of cakes, cheese and carbs. Eat 'better' is something I want to do, there are consequences health wise if I don't and therefore a plan works. If I write a shopping list, if I write a rough template of meals for the week, if I prepare for the week on Sunday then it works.

Case in point number 2: 

For years I tried to meditate and practice mindfulness. I knew what the research showed, I knew it was a good thing to do, I knew it would only be 10-20mins out of my day but I just never did it. I would do it once and then not bother and then it was something I was going to do in the future.

Then this January I decided to do 100 days in a row. I followed a course of meditation and when that finished I followed another one. I committed to doing something everyday, even if it was 10.30pm and I was tired I committed to doing 10-15 mins at least. There was no immediate reward, there was no end goal, the goal was the process, the goal was to do it. And I did. And then in a very subtle way I could feel the change, it wasn't dramatic but it was a habit. And now if I miss a day I don't beat myself up, because I know I still do it more days than I don't.

But this isn't about goal setting.

If you want to read about goal setting I recommend reading the Heidi Halvorson book.

And this isn't about my goals, the above were just examples from my own personal experience. I know what its like to set goals, fail goals, miss opportunities, try again, succeed, put maximum effort in, put no effort in and hope for the best. And along the way I found out one thing.

It has to matter to you. It has to galvanise you. It can't be someone else's goal or idea of what is good to do or not to do. The most important thing is to start. What is the spark that will set the wheels in motion (yep, I mixed some metaphors there).

If the gym isn't your thing please don't waste your time and money (and mine by writing you a programme that you will never follow). But conversely, you have to give it time, it should be hard, it should be challenging, you won't see results in two weeks. And eventually it should be satisfying.

All I can say is don't waste time thinking about it, don't wait for the perfect moment. Don't look for the approval of others. Start now, there is no time to lose. Doing something will move you closer to the outcome than doing nothing, however small that 'something' is.

And the last word goes to some Japanese fella back in the day:

"But don't dawdle. Imagine yourself on your deathbed at this very moment. What alone can help you?"

"The problem of birth and death is momentous, and the world moves fast. Make the most of time, for it waits for no one." - Bassui (quoted in Kapleau 2000: 190-192)

Really think about that for a moment. And then use it pursue whatever you need to pursue and don't lose sight of the impermanence of everything.

This moment will pass and it will be lost. Don't lose another year, don't lose another second.

If the day you happen to start is in January, so be it, but it won't be different to any other time of year unless you are different in your approach.

Have a good 2016, make it count.

Do you think this guy knew he was going be Iron Man back in 1995? Image source: www.weknowmemes.com

References:

Gibert D (2006) Stumbling On Happiness

Halvorson H (2010) Succeed. (Kindle book)

Kapleau P (2000) The Three Pillars of Zen