Monday, January 2, 2012

Ask The Dust* (New Year Future Paranoid Blues)

 "Sometimes, we have to do a thing in order to find out the reason for it. Sometimes our actions are questions, not answers."
                                                                                                    - John Le Carre

Sub-atomic tracer

You are dying, you are decaying, one day you will be gone, you will be dust.

The inevitable question: Why exercise? Why bother eating well? When the end is certain, a guaranteed result.

The sub-atomic uncertainty that forms you at the quantum level is dancing with energy. On the first day of the New Year, I see the streets full of people trying to run. Something, deep inside of their DNA is expressing itself, their genetic code is telling them to move.

Your body wants to move.

You were born to move.

Life is happening out on the hard edges. The soft middle is overflowing with people who abandoned themselves along time ago.

You know what to do, your gut instinct is telling you what to do. But do you have the guts to follow it, or will this year dissolve into all the others.

The particles that make you up have been here since the beginning of time, they will be here once you are gone. Regardless of what you do.

The blank piece of paper in front of you. An arbitrary year zero, you can start again whenever you want. The only limitation was the fixed mindset, fear of failure stopped you all those other times. The growth mind set, why not, what the hell have you got to lose this time?

The blank piece of paper. People will tell you to write your goals down, to give yourself a time limit, to make them specific. It doesn't work. You will fail, writing is not enough. Action is all that counts.

The information age will steal your soul, gigabytes of junk noise will drown you. You must go where it is quiet. Find the quiet centre. Find the person you were going to be. You already know the answers.

You already know what is important to you and what is not.


Its simpler than you think. Want to start running? Go out and walk, then run a bit, then walk a bit.

Pick heavy things up, and put them over your head, magical things will happen.

But you must want it, you must need it, the hunger will drive you. When others falter and try to drag you back, you must push on.

The things you carried your whole life. Let them go, no one else will.

Last Thoughts On Running - Why You Should Run Long At Least Once

In darkness you creak out of bed
Mirror reflects some stranger
Who are you
The cold air outside hits
You're running
Artificial sodium sun lights
Past traffic, diesel petrol fumes mix with the rain
And you're still running
Windscreen wipers, engine noise, traffic death march
You are apart, anonymous faces inside tin boxes
Maybe some of them understand
Lost lives commuting
And you're still running
For a moment you're not one of them

Grey Upon Grey
Iron Sky
Your soul seeps into the cracked concrete
Years Passing, Time Burning
And you're still running
Sometimes legs numb
Sometimes like lead wading through treacle
And sometimes, just sometimes
Skimming the surface
Rare moments
Searching for those moments
You keep running

The road unwinds
Another day
Past the shops to let, the closed hospitals, the broken down buildings
The road outlives them all
You're still running
Occasional eye catching of those trapped in traffic
Through wiper blades, they see
They understand
When they get home, they will abandon the day
They will be running too

Then the trails
The dust, the mud, the snow
Sometimes hard, sometimes soft
The trail unwinds
Your mind unwinds
And you're still running
All the years compress
The lyrics of a song from light years ago
You remember, every conversation you ever had
And it only lasts 10 minutes
Everything, you've ever said and you can only remember 10 minutes
You're still running
Waking dream visions
That girl you went to school with 20 years ago
You try to remember her surname
The guy you worked with a lifetime ago
Where  did they all go
Maybe they're running too

Replay all those situations
Replay all those moments
But here and now
You're still running
As all those memories stream
Its not morose & its not nostalgic
Because you're moving
And the trail knows
Right now there is no future, there is no past

Sun up
Sweat, heat, blood singing in your head
Seasons fall away
Any time of day
You're still running

The horizon calls
Run towards it
Never ending
Curvature of the earth
You've been running since birth

Forlorn half light
Come home
Take off the day like an overcoat
Your job is not you
And you're running
Could be pavement
Could be trail
Doesn't matter

Past the yellow lights
People trapped in humdrum lives
Behind windows
They stare at blue tubes
And black mirrors
They'll never know

Its pain, its real, its flow
Who are you
You know
You run
The dust kicks up
The dust knows
The dust is you
And you are the dust
And you're still running

Rocky quote to start the year with:

"Then the time come for you to be your own man and take on the world, and you did. But somewhere along the line, you changed. You stopped being you. You let people stick a finger in your face and tell you you’re no good. And when things got hard, you started looking for something to blame, like a big shadow. Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. It’s a very mean and nasty place and I don’t care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain’t about how hard ya hit. It’s about how hard you can get it and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done! Now if you know what you’re worth then go out and get what you’re worth. But ya gotta be willing to take the hits, and not pointing fingers saying you ain’t where you wanna be because of him, or her, or anybody! Cowards do that and that ain’t you! You’re better than that!"

*Ask The Dust is a book by John Fante. It's not about running, fitness or the new year

Saw this picture on Neghar Fonoonis blog

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