The Wu Wei of Ultrarunning. Beyond Flow.

"Wherever you are, be all there." - Jim Elliot

Definitions

Wu Wei: (pronounced ooo way), from Chinese Philosophy. Literally means non action. But does not mean not acting. Non self conscious yet perfectly responsive to the situation (Van Norden, 2011). More like effortless action. You lose the sense of yourself exerting effort (Slingerland, 2014).

Flow: What athletes would call being in the zone. "Flow states tend to occur when a persons skills are fully involved in overcoming a challenge that is just about manageable. A typical day is full of anxiety and boredom. Flow experiences provide the flashes of intense living against this dull background." (Csikszentmihalyi 1997;29-31)

Mindfulness: "Paying attention on purpose, in the present moment, and non-judgementally, to the unfolding of experience moment to moment." John Kabat-Zinn


4am
It's dark and even in August there is a chill in the air, because we are above 10,00ft. Head torches flash around. We start running, telling your mind to calm and your body to relax, your body doesn't want to be doing this at 4am, it knows there are 100 miles to go. A rhythm develops, you trip over a tree root, land on your knee, stumble back up and keep going. Into the first aid station, a half marathon has passed but it feels like no time at all since you started. Half a cream cheese bagel from the volunteers and you keep going. The sun rises over the Rockies, you remove some layers of clothing off. Ascending, it should be hard, walk, but it is easy, there seems to be no gradient, you run up above 11,000ft. Then descending back down. Your GPS has gone haywire and stopped working, you have no sense of time or speed. Down through the trees into Twin Lakes. 45 miles have passed, how long you don't know, 8 hours? A working day? You're not sure. You feel fine, effortless.

You keep going. It strips you to the bone. Worn down like an old weathered skeleton in the desert. Wearing away an older version of you. Eroding the past, eroding who you were. Who were you again? An entire day passes, 26 hours. You're down to nothing, there is no happy or sad. 

Ultimately, running for 24 hours strips away everything until when you finish it feels like 'nothing special'. A lady embraces you and says "welcome home".

Looking Down on Twin Lakes from Hope Pass, Leadville.

And yet another time
It's hard, there is no flow, everything hurts, you retch by the side of the trail, trying to throw up. You go into aid stations, you're not sure what to eat or drink. It all feels clunky. You want it to be over. You grind it out, grimace. It feels like maximum effort but you're moving through treacle. Through the streets of the town, people cheer. It's over and you never want to do it again.

Two runs, two different situations, one of Wu Wei and flow, one not.

Wu Wei and Flow

Wu Wei or effortless action is an ancient concept of Chinese philosophy that has been around since 300-500 BCE and was espoused in various forms by Confucius, Laozi ( Lao Tzu) in the DaoDeJing (Tao Te Ching) and Zhuangzi (Chuang Tzu). It is hard to describe. Van Norden (2011) likens to it to trying to explain to someone how to ride a bike. It's very hard to explain, but when you get it, you just know.

It is kind of like the concept of flow. See the figure below, which shows where flow occurs. You are fully immersed and absorbed in what you are doing.  You lose a sense of time. Flow states are about complexity and challenge, "our personal skill is perfectly calibrated to the task" (Slingerland, 2014, video lecture).

Classic examples are rock climbing, a surgeon, skiing a technical route.

If you're still wondering what flow is, Ayrton Senna explains it perfectly in this clip, 35 seconds in. (and if you haven't seen the film Senna, you need to).



It differs from something like binge watching TV, in that you emerge from the couch potato state with less energy and flow, it saps you of something. Whereas, when you are in a flow state you are energised.

However, Wu Wei is more than flow. People can experience flow in non complex situations like walking around, socialising, playing with their kids (Slingerland, 2014). Wu Wei is being absorbed in something bigger than you and it is positive.

In the classic book the Zhuangzi, there are a series of stories about skill and Wu Wei. One is about Butcher Ding. It is metaphor for how to move through the world.

"Cook Ding laid down his knife and replied, “What I care about is the Way, which goes beyond skill. When I first began cutting up oxen, all I could see was the ox itself. After three years I no longer saw the whole ox. And now — now I go at it by spirit and don’t look with my eyes. Perception and understanding have come to a stop and spirit moves where it wants. I go along with the natural makeup, strike in the big hollows, guide the knife through the big openings, and following things as they are. So I never touch the smallest ligament or tendon, much less a main joint." (Watson translation, 2013;19)

This doesn't mean you have to go and become a butcher. It means the barrier is your mind. You need to switch off the analytic part. You move effectively. But it comes with practice. Your body is the blade and it moves through the world avoiding obstacles effortlessly, or in running trails, you run a technical trail with flow not by rationally thinking where you will next step.

Slingerland argues that pursuits like Ultrarunning are not Wu Wei because of the way they are pursued in modern Western culture. He states

"In our culture activities like running ultra marathons or exploring new art museums tend to be solitary and aimed at self improvement"

"It is the connection with a larger, valued whole that allows Wu Wei or true flow experiences to leave us feeling 'clean and happy'." (Slingerland, 2014;46)

Furthermore

"Wu Wei is about more than isolated individuals incrementally improving their personal bests in the Ironman Triathlon or making a new level on Tetris. Wu Wei involves giving yourself up to something that because it is bigger than you can be shared by others."

and

"An essential fact about Wu Wei is that it is not just about the experience unfolding within the mind of an isolated individual but also about social interactions between people." (Slingerland, 2014;52)

I would argue that Ultra running, specifically trail and mountain ultra running meets all these criteria. It is not just an individualistic pursuit of self improvement. Yes, some of the people racing at the front of the pack are running to win, but most are not. Even the elites at the front are part of a certain ultra running community and culture. And having seen Rob Krar run past me in the opposite direction, I can say if anyone was in Wu Wei, it was him.

There is a reason most of these races take places in wild, mountainous places or desert environments. The ultra that takes place on a track doesn't capture the imagination in the same way. For sure, it is hard and requires a certain mental fortitude and skill set. But it is nature that sets apart the trail run.

The trail has a mixture of monotony and complexity. Simplicity and toughness.

Then there is the fact that pretty much no one runs these races without a crew. You are a team, you are not a lone individual. And if you don't have a crew, there is still the aid stations, the sense of community and support. And why do most people enter these races rather than run alone in the wilderness. The community, the social aspect of like minded people, you are not alone. The tribe.

Leadville 100.

Yes, there is flow, but it is more. The ethics of running in the wilderness. Leave no trace, leave no tracks. Can you be an ultra runner and be a bad person morally?

Default Mode Network (DMN)

A common question is 'don't you get bored running?' and 'what do you think about when you are running?'. The answers are no, and nothing really, I'm not really thinking about anything, I don't know what I'm really thinking about for all those hours. Something has been switched off.

You brain has something called the default mode network. It is several parts of your brain linked together, and it is what you mind does when you are bored. It wanders, you day dream, you think about the past, you think about the future. It is your brains default setting.

But you can quiet it down, you can focus on the present, the now. Several studies show that one way of turning down the DMN is mindful meditation. It helps you live in the now.

In mindful meditation you let thoughts come and go, you don't become attached to them. There is awareness, but a loss of your socially constructed self.

But don't think this is an airy-fairy state. Robert Wright, professor of evolutionary psychology says

"There is an edge to mindfulness. A rebellion against natural selection. A radical re-organisation of the mind." (2015, lecture Buddhism & Modern Psychology)

If you are driving a route you always drive, it is easy for your mind to wander, the task is easy. Its the same on the standard 5k route that you run out of your front door. You know it so well, that you don't really need to think about the run. You start to think about what you are going to buy for dinner and how to quit your job.

But trail running is technical. If you stop concentrating you might fall down a hole, or on a race, you might miss a turning. You need to be in the moment. I would argue that your DMN has been turned down.

A koan is a paradoxical question used in meditation. It helps to break down rational thinking and focus on the now. Such as what is Mu? Who am I? What is the sound of one hand clapping?

The question is repeated over and over. Does the repetition result in a flow state? The question is complex and simple at the same time, and the act of repeating it over and over again is also simple on one level.

Is ultra running a moving koan?

Not just the question of why the hell am I doing this?! But the mixture of repetition, relentless movement and complexity.  The trail can be complex, it can be simple, and then it goes on for a long time, maybe a whole day. You have to be flexible but have a strategy but you have to focus on each moment on the trail.

Is ultra running moving Zen. Hakuin (a Japanese Zen master from back in the day) said

"Meditation in action is a thousand times superior to meditation in stillness." (quoted in Skinner, 2015;78)

Do Zen, Moving Zen. Calligraphy by Shinzan Roshi.By Shinzan Miyamae Roshi (Daizan Skinner Roshi) [CC BY-SA 4.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

Transient Hypofrontality

There is a part of your brain called the Pre Frontal Cortex (PFC). It is the higher part of the brain involved in decision making, planning, working toward a goal, differentiating between good and bad, working memory and more.

The work of Arne Dietrich shows that endurance exercise essentially switches off the pre frontal cortex. In a similar way to meditation, hypnosis and certain drugs.

"Although the hypothesis of exercise-induced transient hypofrontality was developed to account for the beneficial effects of exercise on mental health, the prolonged disengagement of higher cognitive centers in the prefrontal cortex also offers a neural mechanism that provides insight into the alteration of consciousness known as the runner's high. Some of the phenomenologically unique features of this state such as experiences of timelessness, living in the here and now, reduced awareness of one's surroundings, peacefulness (being less analytical), and floating (diminished working memory and attentional capacities), are consistent with a state of frontal hypo- function. Even abstruse feelings such as the unity with the self and/or nature might be more explicable, considering that the prefrontal cortex is the very structure that provides us with the ability to segregate, differentiate, and analyze the environment" (Dietrich, 2003;241)

So we have

• a sense of timelessness
• living in the here & now
• peacefulness
• not being so analytical. Switching off our rational mind

In Dietrich's studies total exercise time was no more 50 minutes, at 70-80% heart rate max (Dietrich 2004). Now imagine what happens to your PFC if your are in this zone for 5,10, 24 hours?!

You are returning to the mind of a child in some senses. As the PFC does not develop fully until your late teens.

Down regulating your PFC helps us to break categorical inflexibility. In other words, think outside of the box and not have such rigid ideas. It is one of the reasons that children can play with a cardboard box for hours, they don't just see it as a box. Their thinking has not become rigid and PFC dominated yet.

Or in the words of the DaoDeJing

"Concentrating your qi (vital energies) and attaining the utmost suppleness, can you be a child?" (Chapter 10, Laozi) 

Endurance exercise is literally causing areas of your brain to switch off and return to a more child like mind! Now imagine if you take that exercise out of the lab and transpose it to a natural environment.

I went into the woods.... Attention Restoration Theory

Thoreau famously went into the woods. He realised the power of the natural environment.

Thoreau quote. Source: www.panampost.com

In one study (Berman et al 2008) two groups of students were given a memory task called an n-back task. They had to remember numbers and look for repetition, it means you have to hold 4 numbers in your head at any one time. After the initial task, half the group was sent for a 20 minute walk around the local town, the other half went to the University Arboretum.

Before the walk they were equally matched. After the walk, the group that had been in the more natural environment of the trees were significantly better at the task than the walk in town group.

The natural environment allows your directed attention to be restored and replenished. The natural environment is inherently rich in fascinating stimuli. There is a modest engagement, it doesn't take much to disengage and look at something else. Look at tree, look at the mountains, feel the breeze.

This is unlike the urban environment which consumes your attentional resources and drains you. Adverts are shouting at you, there is traffic. If you are out running, you have to cross the road, avoid getting run over, swerve around people.
  

"In sum, we have shown that simple and brief interactions with nature can produce marked increases in cognitive control." (Berman et al 2008;1211)

This is why the 10k road run is never going to cut it in terms of restoring your attention or letting your DMN quieten down. Urban environments are draining your attention.

Whereas running in a natural environment is having a restorative effect.

The quality of your mind is affected by your local environment (Clifford Saron, 2015).

Nature is effectively restoring your attention reserves and allowing your brain to work better.

Nothing special. Trying not to try.

Wu Wei is a paradox. Like an athlete trying not to choke when making a crucial play. Or like trying not to think of anything.

It can't be forced. But certain circumstances will allow it to happen more readily.

Ultra running is mix of endurance exercise, repetition and complexity. Ultra running is working at several levels:-

1)It can put you in a flow state. You are at the edge of your abilities and getting constant feedback (you are either moving forward or not).

2)The act of running, the repetition, the rhythm is akin to counting your breath in mindful meditation. It is down regulating your default mode network, and puts you in state of awareness, being fully present in the now.

3) The endurance exercise turns down you pre frontal cortex, the transient hypo-frontality makes you lose sense of time and rigid concepts.

4)The natural environment is restorative and make you feel part of something much bigger.

5) If you are lucky it engenders a sense of Wu Wei. You are engaging with the ground. It feels effortless.

It is beyond flow.
You, the environment, your crew, the other participants, it is all in harmony.

Running is simple on one level. Running 100 mile has no benefit outside of itself.

In the words of Shunryu Suzuki when he is talking about meditation and zen and trying to attain something, it is "nothing special". In that sense running ultra marathon is no more special than not running them, or playing ping pong or washing up. But on the other hand it is a very special experience.

It is a paradox, if you go on to the trail looking to find something or change something or transform yourself, you won't. If you chase after it you won't grasp it. As some Chinese guys figured out over 2000 years ago without running a step.

The trail is waiting, it is always there.

In short, go for a trail run. It will literally change your mind!

It is the totality of the experience. It is carrying everything you need. It is being in the wilderness and switching off from everything. It is sitting in tents at night talking, lit by head torch. It is the specialness of brewing instant coffee early in the morning while chatting. Forest, beach, ocean. It is running at night with your brother, deep in the forest. I emerged from the forest, running the sand covered fire breaks down onto the beach. The sea was crashing in. I ran south. It felt like I could run forever.

"One who is good at travelling leaves no tracks or traces." (Ch 27, DaoDeJing)

Related blog posts from me:
The Trail (Homecoming).
On Mindful Training.
On Wasting Time.
Vanishing Point. Zen and the Art of Training.

References

This post is massively indebted to the MOOC Chinese Thought: Ancient Wisdom Meets Modern Science, taught by Prof.Edward Slingerland at The University of British Columbia.

Books
Csikszentmihalyi M (1997) Finding Flow

The translations of the DaoDeJing are taken from Ivanhoe PJ & Van Norden BW(2003) Readings in Classical Chinese

Suzuki Shunryu (1970) Zen Mind Beginners Mind 

Van Norden (2011) Introduction to Classical Chinese Philosophy

Translation of Zhuangzi taken from the Burton Watson translation (2013) The Complete Works of Zhuangzi

The Zen Character: Life, Art and Teachings of Zen Master Shinzan Miyamae. Edited by Julian Daizan Skinner (2015)

Slingerland E (2014) Trying not to Try. Kindle version

Journal articles
Berman et al (2008) The Cognitive Benefits of Interacting with Nature. Psychological Science

Dietrich A (2003) Functional neuro-anatomy of altered states of consciousness: The transient hypofrontality hypothesis

Dietrich A and Sparling P (2004) Endurance exercise selectively impairs prefrontal-dependent cognition

MOOCs

Clifford Sarons The University of Virginia. lectures on the neuroscience of meditation. Tibetan Buddhism and the Modern World

Robert Wright, Princeton University, the section on default mode network and meditation. Buddhism and Modern Psychology

Do you need a program? Why do you want to fail?

Four examples of people who obviously aren't following any type of program.

Example 1: Guy walks into the gym, the very first thing he goes on is the pec dec, then followed by something random like the calf raise. Note: this guy does not look like Dorian Yates.

Example 2: Guy walks into the gym, goes over to the free-weights, picks up a pair of 50kg dumbbells with no warm up and does a set of dumbbell bench press. He does this every single time he comes into the gym. He has found something he is good at and is sticking with it.

Example 3: Woman walks into the gym, goes on the cross trainer for 40 minutes and then does every variation of crunch known to woman kind.

Example 4: Guy walks into the gym, goes over to the free-weights, stands as close as he can to the rack and then does a super fast set of alternating partial range bicep curls to warm up, followed by declines press on the smith machine.

None of these routines can be found in a magazine, or fitness website or fitness book. None of these routines were written or designed by a professional.

In a  recent survey in the gym where I work over 90% of people were not following a program. They gave all sorts of answers such as 'I freestyle it', 'I have a routine I like to do', 'I kind of do my own thing'. All code for I am making this stuff up and have no idea what I'm doing. Strangely, the people most likely to be free-styling were the beginners and neophytes, the people most likely to be following a routine written by themselves or more likely a coach were the most advanced.

So why don't people follow programs? Do they need one? Do they subconsciously want to fail? And should you be doing intuitive training if you have no idea what you are doing?

Do beginners need a program?

Firstly, the most important thing is to show up (I think Dan John said that). By actually showing up at the gym you are already way ahead of most of the population. Well done.

Next up, what to do in the gym. You would think that considering the vast amount of programs on the internet and fitness apps available, people would be following these? Right? Wrong. Most beginners are not following any program.

So you would think they would take advantage of the offer of a free program? No, offer someone three free appointments and a free program and most people never make it past turning up for appointment one. After session one, they figure they are good to go, they know how to start the machine and watch E4, so let the results based training begin. Although, if someone is actually paying for a program, they do actually turn up and take notice. There is a lesson there.

I think the first issue is comfort zone. People don't like being uncomfortable. For most of them, just coming into the gym is uncomfortable, you start asking them about their goals and their plan and they get decidedly shifty. They want to keep their head down. They have already decided what they are going to do. You tell them in the most polite way possible that their plan of coming to the gym twice a week and doing a bit of cardio while not changing their diet will result in zero weight-loss, and one and a half stone is not shifting with this approach, and they don't like it.

Cross trainer. The fitness industry nemesis. The anti-program machine?

Hard work doesn't sound like what they signed up for. They want to be taken to the edge of their comfort zone so they can justify the tub of Ben and Jerry's but they don't want to actually go much further and get results.

Expertly drawn picture of why the no program strategy doesn't work for beginners.

A real conversation between one of my colleagues and a new member

Trainer: I can offer you a movement screen, write an individual program, get you booked in for three appointments with us, at no extra cost.
Client: No, I just want to use the cross trainer and a few machines
Trainer: I can show you how to press quickstart, but I don't want you to think in three months time that you didn't achieve anything or get results
Clients: I'll do my own thing for a month, then if it doesn't work I will come and see you.

Good luck to her, but it wont work.

Hardly anyone thinks they can teach themselves to drive or ski with absolutely no help. A few could probably do it after watching some youtube videos. But most couldn't, they seek expert help, because if nothing else it's quicker. But with fitness, they aren't doing this, they are free-styling it, not even turning to the internet. You learned to walk intuitively, but you are not going to grasp a sumo deadlift or kettlebell swing intuitively, so you will avoid them or do them really badly.

Beginners don't need an individual program. Bu they do need a program. And a program that is progressive, if you are still lifting the 1kg dumbbells in 6 weeks time, there was no improvement. The program can be simple, more simple than people think they need: walk everyday, body-weight squats, body-weight step ups, glute bridges etc but with good technique and a progression!

There is no place for intuitive training with the absolute beginner, how can you make intuitive choices about exercises you are not even aware of?

The beginner needs to be guided with exact reps and sets and time, because they have no frame of reference to make an informed decision.

Who needs a program?

Beyond the beginner there are a range of programs available. I have personally followed programs off of t-nation, and by Eric Cressey, Bret Contreras and Brad Schoenfeld. They were all good and gave me some structure. Though I doubt any of them would have been useful if I didn't know how to squat, deadlift, press etc.

I have also followed programs written by myself and others. (My running training is a different matter, as I will explain).

You don't need a program, but you do need a plan!

It is okay to be flexible. How many times have I walked into the gym and wanted to use the rack for squats but it is in use. I could be that guy who stands there for 30 minutes waiting for the rack to become free, as he cannot deviate from his routine, or I could go and do some trap bar deadlifts or kettlebell front squats.

I have a template in my mind, but anyone who has ever worked out in a commercial gym knows you have to be flexible.

You don't need a program but you do need a structure!

So you need to have enough experience to know when to deviate from the plan, but also to know when you are kidding yourself and wimping out.

Cybernetic periodization and autoregulation. What, Cyber-men are coming?!

These days the terms intuitive training and autoregulation have become conflated. Intuitive training is essentially making it up on the day and doing what you like (no squats, bench all the way!). Autoregulation is actually way more structured, see Siff (2003: 129).

More useful for the medium to advanced exerciser is cybernetic periodization. Which sounds more complicated and Dr Who than it actually is. Siff (2003:135) defines cybernetic periodization this way

"..in which loading, in a given training scheme is modified regularly according to a subjective rating of perceived exertion (RPE), rating of technique (RT), objective physiological measurements and actual sporting performance."

and further more

"cybernetic programming... is a quantified extension of what may be termed intuitive training, an approach which probably is as old as the history of physical training." (Siff, 2003:297)

Note, this doesn't mean you just go into the gym and make it up. You have a plan or even a specific program. Maybe, you are meant to do 5x5 on squats on a particular weight, but you back off on the last set that day, or only do three sets, or if you are feeling strong and technique is good, put more weight on the bar.

This approach works if you know how you body responds to exercise, if you are on week one of squats and still using just the bar, then you don't have enough experience to make the decision. That's where the coach comes in.

Avoiding qualities you need to work on. 

Another reason to have a program is the tendency to avoid the things you need to work. I think it was Duncan French who said we need to work on the qualities that have been trained out of our athletes (I'm paraphrasing) and in essence this is the same for the general public. People are rounded too much, sit down all day, then come to the gym and do too much bench press or sit on a bike. They need to do the opposite of what they have become accustomed to and comfortable with and by extension reasonably good at. And not many people want to do things where they might start off looking bad, ego stops more people than anything else for asking for help and getting a program and results.

A confession.

As I stated earlier I have followed resistance training programs from a whole range of sources and got good results.

When it comes to running, its a different matter. I trained for Leadville 100 mile with no program set in stone. I didn't write my mileage down, I don't know how many miles I covered each week. Don't get me wrong, I read every source and book on run programming and ultra running that  I could from Brad Hudson to Bryon Powell and way too many more to list. And I took influence from all of them and then constructed my own plan. Call me egotistical, with my background in resistance training and rehab I thought I could construct a better plan for me than anyone else.

Also things like run 3k at tempo, then 5k at marathon pace etc just don't work for me.

Don't get me wrong, I had a plan, but in essence I was using cybernetic periodization. And also because of my work schedule I had to be flexible as to when my long runs and gym sessions were. The actual description of what I did is a whole other article. But below is a brief summary:

Monday: Rest
Tuesday: Approx 10k trail or road run depending in schedule, plus gym (dropped gym in later phase of training)
Wednesday: easy road run 30-40mins
Thursday: Hill session, anything from 8 sec sprints to 1 mile repeats
Friday: Gym
Saturday: 10-20k road run or treadmill incline
Sunday: 35-40k trail

This schedule would switch and change all the time, sometimes Saturday & Sunday would reverse, sometimes I would add in a gym session on Tuesday or Wednesday evening, sometimes I would be working weekends.

The important thing is I had bench marks to hit, 50k run by first week of June, 70-80k run by 7th July.

Sometimes I would feel good and do more hill repeats on a Thursday, sometimes I would do more work, sometimes less,sometimes faster than I thought I could, sometimes barely making it to the end, but I never missed a session.

The plan was there, the basic structure was there, and thought the thought of blowing up on Hope Pass kept me motivated to not kid myself and take days off and avoid things I needed to do (run up hills in the rain and snow).

Anton Krupicka (ultra-runner with awesome beard) has said, if he had a coach and a program, he would almost certainly get better. But mountain ultra running is about something more than that. So if you are exercising because you want to get into a flow state, or enjoy running for the sake of, and like exercise purely for stress relief and to help mindfulness, then you probably don't need a program. But most people join a gym to lose weight, tone up, increase muscle mass and all the usual reasons.

Anton Krupicka. Intuitive training is fine if you know what you're doing and you have an ultra beard . (Picture chosen by my girlfriend!)

Failure & success, it's a fine line.

Most beginners don't have a plan or structure. Sometimes they have a vague idea of a routine that they have constructed out of the ether. Okay, at least they are doing something (but please stop doing sit ups while holding onto a sandbag!)

Some have a random approach, random workouts, random conditioning. Mostly staying well within their comfort zones, and working on the qualities they already have rather than the ones they have lost. And random workouts can be fun, but you need to earn the right to do them. Learn to read and write before writing novels.

Yes, as a beginner without a coach or a program or plan you will fail.

Yes, an infinite number of monkeys given an infinite amount of time may write Supertraining. But we already have Supertraining, and we already have hundreds of programs that work and good coaches that can help, so why are you still free-styling your way to failure?

Most advanced lifters and athletes are following a program. You don't need to plan every single rep, but you do need a road map. Athletes and advanced lifters will work on things they don't like, with the help of a coach, as they know it will make them better.

You are probably less advanced than you think you are, you probably need some help to get results you actually joined the gym for in the first place. Yes, you will go out of comfort zone, and it may be hard, but a good coach and program will get you to where you want to be. Trust them, it will be worth it.

References:

Siff M (2003) Facts & Fallacies of Fitness. 6th edition.

 

Forget Goals. Focus.

I've written about goal setting and SMART before, see here and here.

And I will concede that for a certain proportion of the population goals work. These tend to be the individuals who like to manage everything and control every variable, they follow their program precisely, write down everything they eat, and enter all their competitions a year in advance and plan to peak for every one. This is a small minority of people.

For most people goal setting obviously doesn't work, otherwise gyms wouldn't be full of people every January and February trying to lose weight for the umpteenth time after failing on every other occasion. And yes, many of these people would have written their goals down and made them time bound and all that, and it doesn't work.

So what is the alternative? And do all super successful set goals like we are lead to believe?

Why people leave gyms, why do they fail?

Straight up let me state that you don't have to join a gym to get fit or lose weight or get buff. Having said that, these are the reasons most people join gyms.

There just happens to be data that attempts to explain why people leave gyms. We can use this data from the microcosm of the gym, as it is informative in explaining why people fail to hit their goals in every day life as well.

The biggest drop out rates from gyms occur in the first 2-3 months. Bear in mind, this happens to be the 11-12% of the population that were motivated enough to go to a gym and join up in the first place.

Do you know the number one reason people say they leave gyms within 12 weeks? It is they didn't feel comfortable, ergo they were uncomfortable in the gym environment. They didn't feel they fitted in or it is where they belonged. There are a whole series of training courses now aimed at fitness professionals, they help the people in the fitness industry make these people feel comfortable.

Here's the problem though, no one whoever reached for a goal or tried something new felt comfortable. The very nature of trying new things is getting out of your comfort zone. If it was comfortable, they would still be sitting at home on the sofa eating Pringles.

To use the proverbial frog in a pot of boiling water being gently heated, they are so comfortable they don't even realise they are being cooked.

 

The second most common reason cited by people leaving gyms is they got bored. Yes, after 2 months, which for most people is 8-16 workouts they got bored. This leads to several possible conclusions:-

1. Their every day lives are so exciting the gym just can't compete. They spend their days base jumping and wrestling bears so lifting weights is boring.
2. The program they were given is boring, do 10 minutes on the treadmill followed by 10 minutes on the recline bike forever or until you pass out from boredom.
3. They're lying, they didn't enjoy the experience, it was too hard, they didn't like it or they were too far out of their comfort zone.

I think we can dismiss  conclusion number one, as statistically a large proportion of those people will spend their days in a cubicle farm working for a faceless corporation and will go home at night and watch structured reality TV shows to numb the pain of boredom.

It is a possibility they don't enjoy the gym, but that is different from being bored. Yes, working out can be hard at first and if you don't enjoy it go and do something else. That is the first point with goals, you can be so obsessed with the end result that you forget how you are going to get there. You have to engage in the day to day process. Otherwise the end result at any cost becomes overwhelming. For example, you've decided you are going to lose half a stone in time for your holiday, a set time bound goal, but along the way you slip, you found the gym 'boring' (i.e it was f**king hard and you were out of your comfort zone) and a glass of wine here and there won't hurt, will it? Then before you know it, your holiday is in a week, so you starve yourself, do whatever it takes. Bingo, you lose half a stone, you then go on holiday, binge eat and drink and put all the weight back on.

Cubicle farm - you've already bought the farm, you just don't know it yet

You met the target, you hit the goal, but you were living in the future, never focusing on the here and now of your life. You didn't enjoy the journey, because there wasn't one, just 6 months of panic.

I can't remember the third most common reason people state as to leaving gyms after 2-3 months, its probably something like they don't like the music or they are afraid of catching MRSA from the machines. In fact, all reasons should be 'I'm out of my comfort zone, and I didn't want it enough'. Maybe, some of these people leave and go and achieve their goals anyway, but the stats on obesity and fitness would suggest not.

Goals are limited.

If you set a goal you have limited yourself. I will lose this amount of weight and no more, I will run this fast but no faster, I will lift this weight but no more. A goal can become a barrier, the 4 minute mile is a case in point, most people thought it was impossible at the time, but then one man didn't, the rest is history. Of course, most of us aren't running 4 minute miles but we still limit ourselves.

To explain this I will take a few liberties with the Central Governor Model. Tim Noakes proposed the central governor model to explain why the body stops you killing yourself during exercise, the body will maintain homeostasis at all costs, so it will make you slow down running even if you have enough fuel in your muscles, are not at your VO2 max and have not recruited all your muscle fibres. Your brain tells you to stop.

To take it a step further, if you run any distance your brain has already worked out how fast you should run and what pace you should keep, hence you run faster over 100m than you do over 40k, unless you are a complete novice or idiot and have no reference point of how fast you can run.

This helps to explain why even marathon runners sprint finish when they see the finishing line. Your brain calculates that you have enough energy and enough muscle fibres to make it to the line and says 'yes, it is safe to sprint'. The runner then collapses as soon as they reach the finish line - their goal. If the finish line was 100m closer they would have collapsed then and if it was 100m further they would have collapsed then. Their brain matched their effort to the goal distance (of course, other things are at play when people do die - sudden cardiac death, over hydration etc).

Noakes has explained that this model can be used to explain other types of fatigue and motivation

"This new interpretation is the first to allow a more reasonable description of a number of phenomena that defy rational explanation according to the traditional ‘‘limitations’’ models of fatigue. These include, among many others, the chronic fatigue syndrome, in which affected individuals experience evident fatigue at rest, and the role of psychological and motivational factors, centrally (brain) acting pharmaceutical agents, hypnosis, shouting or sudden unexpected gunshots, or other forms of distraction including music or premeditated deception on human exercise performance."

To take it a step further, if you think you can only run a certain distance or lose a certain amount of weight it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. The limitation in the brain has been set.

But don't all successful people set goals?

We've been led to believe that successful people - athletes, celebrities, business people - all set goals.

In his article Consider Not Setting Goals in 2013 Peter Bregman shoots down an urban myth.

"Like that study done on the Harvard Business School class you may have heard of, in which only 3% of the graduating students wrote down clear goals. Twenty years later, those 3% were worth 10 times the worth of the rest of the class combined. Compelling, right? It would be if it were true. But it isn't. That study doesn't exist. It's pure urban myth."

Also, I was interested to read in a recent chaos and pain article that Hugh Jackman doesn't believe in goal setting. To quote Jackman

"That's Jackman's primary driver: Instead of setting goals, seek defining moments. Those are the real tests, because you have to be willing to fail in a pressure situation in front of other people. "That fear holds all of us back," Jackman says. "And that's the toughest thing about aging. With age, you see people fail more. You see yourself fail more. How do you keep that fearlessness of a kid? You keep going"

and

 "I don't set goals in life," he says. "In this country, people are all about goal setting. And I concede, to a point, how it can help you get going. But we limit ourselves with goals. We have far more ability than we give ourselves credit for. You see that in people under pressure. How does someone run a 100-meter race at the Olympics? When it's once every 4 years, with everything they've done leading to that? It can't just be adrenaline." Then he nods and smiles. "Maybe it's just the mind getting out of the way."

(Both quotes originally appeared in mens health I think)

(You can see the full article here, but be don't go to this site if you are easily offended)

The idea of seeking defining moments is pivotal. (Not only is Jackman, 6' 3", ripped and can sing, yes Les Mis is a great film, he comes out with great quotes like this; I want to hate him, but I can't).

Next time you're in the gym, feeling strong, try that extra weight on the bar, see what happens. Out for a 30 minute run but everything is flowing, just keep going, run until you get lost. Haven't exercised for years, go for a walk, what the hell have you got to lose.

Kenyan and Ethiopian distance runners are the epitome of not limiting themselves. They all seem to think they can win, and run a 2.04 marathon, sometimes they crash and burn, but sometimes it becomes a defining moment. That's why they are so scary to run against, they have't accepted limits nearly as much as some of the European and American runners have.

So what to do? Focus of course.

Peter Bregman proposes areas of focus. Rather than focus on the outcome and the goal, focus on what you are doing here and now, the  task you are doing at this moment with no future reward in mind.  Stay in the present.

"How do you do it? It's simple: identify the things you want to spend your time doing"(Bregman)

You have to have fun and enjoy it. Bregman is focusing on business, but its even easier in training because you don't have a boss telling you what to focus on.

If you like lifting weights, lift the weights for the hell of it, focus on the perfect rep, or mastering an olympic lift. The process is important. Don't be wedded to one program or a number in your mind. Those poor saps who dropped out after 2 months, they were focused on some future reward, countless people have said to me 'I hate exercise, I hate the gym' but they feel they have to do it, they've already failed, I feel like telling them - 'go and get your money back now and leave, this wont work for you', if you don't love the process, then all you are going to do is blame the monthly cost, or the water fountain or the cleaners in the gym, because you didn't like it or it was too hard.

As I've stated before, you have to be intrinsically motivated, no one will do this for you. And if you reach some pre-determined artificial point in the future, you will feel hollow, wonder what to do and will have missed living in the present.

Stop being distracted by frivolous things, how many things can you really focus on?

To quote Pavel Tsatsouline

"Over the years people have asked me why don’t I offer motivation tips. The answer is: I have none. We are all adults here: either you have it, or you don’t."

There are no goals - go ultra.

With running its easy to get obsessed by numbers, we all have Garmins and stop watches. We can become OCD about measuring our average speeds, mileage and PBs. All the while missing what we should focus on - the joy of running.

As Peter Bregman has said in another blog 'stop focusing on your performance'.

We live in a society where everything is measured, performance evaluated, KPIs, we become goal driven. Yes, our society has benefited from the technology and the advances but in recent years it has also been our un-doing. Measure everything, then people just fix the numbers to hit the goal, because the stats are all that matters, and winning is everything and the quality is gone. And no one sticks their head above the parapet because no-one wants to be seen to be the one who fails, because you'll be the first one in the firing line when it all goes pear-shaped.

In ultrarunning the guys and gals at the front are trying to run as fast as they can, but behind them is another sub-culture. Those who are running just to run. The Caballo Blancos of this world. Run just to run. No watch, no distance in mind, they explore. Also described by Rob Schultheis in the book Bone Games, a whole group of people not entering races or thinking in terms of 50 or 100 miles, but just drawing a straight line on a map and then traversing that line for no other reason than to do it, be in the moment, the zen mind.

And at that point you've gone beyond goals, and the need for external validation and chasing some future you.

“I only went out for a walk and finally concluded to stay out till sundown, for going out, I found, was really going in.” - John Muir

If you're lucky you get to focus on what you want to do all the time. However, realistically with financial needs and family responsibilities you may have to devote a large chunk of your time to something you don't like that much to make ends meet. In which case, for f**ks sake do not waste your precious spare time on things you hate or are not engaged with, focus on things you actually want to do and don't blame anyone else if your don't.

Forget goals. Relax, let it go and immerse yourself. Enjoy.

Don't get distracted by looking too far down the road. Focus on where you are now.

References
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Central_governor
http://blogs.hbr.org/bregman/2013/01/stop-focusing-on-your-performa.html
http://blogs.hbr.org/bregman/2012/12/consider-not-setting-goals-in.html
http://www.strongfirst.com/blog/be-a-man-among-men/
 http://lostinfitness.blogspot.co.uk/2011/09/evening-with-caballo-blanco-you-know.html
Zimmerman, Mike.  The Hugh Jackman Workout: The X-Factor.  Men's Health.  2006.  Web.  23 Jan 2013.  http://www.menshealth.com/celebrity-fitness/hugh-jackman-workout

Micah True is Gone. Caballo Blanco Runs Free.

Sundown on canyon
Running on the waters edge
Morning Spring arrives

Copper Canyon - Mexico

Micah True is dead.

If you follow ultra running you already know they found his body in New Mexico this weekend. See here.

I had the good fortune to attend a talk by Caballo Blanco last year in London. Documented here. I like to think the comment on my article was from Caballo himself, may be it was, may be it wasn't, doesn't matter.

Caballo Blanco in London last year

I've never spoken to him directly, so a person I have never spoken to died in a place I've never been too, but like a lot of people the news of Caballos death affected me.

Why?

As he said himself,

"If I were to be remembered for anything at all, I would want that to be that I am/was authentic. No Mas. Run Free!"

He was authentic, he embodied the spirit of a sport. In an age when rampant commercialism has overtaken most sport, when most people have become disconnected from themselves and their environment, he represented an alternative.

He stripped it down to essentials. We all become enamoured by the details, which shoes should I wear, I need a garmin, and a heart rate monitor and a hydration strategy and this supplement. But you don't need any of this. The most important thing is to run. To practice running you must run. Human beings move, human beings run.

His friend and journalist Michael Sandrock said of him


"He's just authentic and genuine. ... Micah is a guy who follows his bliss,"

As Joseph Campbell said, the most important thing is to follow your bliss in life.

He was the distilled essence of why we run.

Most men (and women) live lives of quiet desperation. Somewhere in their life, may be in their teens or their twenties or later, they lose track of themselves.  The daily grind of going to work, and making mortgage/rent payments, and buying things they don't need in shops they don't like to put in a house in a place they don't want to live; and they wake up one day and can't remember who they are.

Caballo was the antithesis of this, be true to yourself.

You get to a certain age, and you don't have heroes anymore, but there are still people who teach you a thing or two, open a door to a room you never knew existed.

Sometime ago.

Back in early 2009 I walked into Foyles book shop in London. A few weeks earlier I had agreed to take part in an Ultra run the next year with my Dad & brother. Even though I had done some running in the past, I'd never run further than half marathon distance, never done a marathon and hadn't entered any type of formal running event since I was a kid. I had read Dean Karnazes Ultramarathon Man at some point, and even though it was a good read I had no intention of running anywhere.

On the shelf of the bookshop was the book Born To Run. It had only been published a few days earlier in the UK, and by shear luck I had stumbled across it while looking for a book on ultrarunning. As you probably know, the book introduced us to Caballo Blanco, became a best seller, probably single handedly started the barefoot running craze/ debate (though Caballo himself was pragmatic when asked about barefoot running), and is probably also responsible for a surge in popularity of ultrarunning.

But back then no one knew any of that was going to happen. I had already started running again, and the book introduced me to a whole world I knew nothing about, Leadville, Tarahumara, Scott Jurek, and running for the joy of running. Something I'd lost along the way. Running just to run. Running the trails, running the wilderness. In essence reading that book, and running ultras changed me.

Don't let me die in Charlton

A long time ago, a guy I knew, started getting chest pains while driving in London, he then realised he was in Charlton, the place he grew up and hated. Despite his sense of impending doom he deliberately kept driving to get out of Charlton, to another part of London because he didn't want to die in Charlton, where he had started.

In the end I guess it doesn't matter where you die.

But it seems Caballo Blanco was in the right place, on the trail, in the wilderness, out running.

'He was a friend of mine, he died on the road'. - Bob Dylan

Yes taken too soon. But his spirits lives on, Micah True is dead but Caballo Blanco runs free in all of us.

Be all you can be. Run because you want to, run because you need to.

"There is no test to hand in at the end of life, so there is no way to fail." - J. Haidt (The Happiness Hypotheses)

Keep on running, I'll see you on trail somwhere, someday.

Adios amigo.
 

WHY LOG TRUCK DRIVERS RISE
EARLIER THAN STUDENTS OF ZEN

In the high seat, before dawn dark,
Polished hubs gleam
And the shiny diesel stack
Warms and flutters
Up the Tyler Road grade
To the logging in Poorman creek.
Thirty miles of dust.
There is no other life.

Gary Snyder - Turtle Island 1974

An Evening With Caballo Blanco (You know, the bloke from Born To Run)

Firstly if you don't know who Caballo Blanco, aka Micah True, is, then you need to go and read Born To Run now.

The talk took place in the Barbican area of London. Forget the Copper Canyon in Mexico, if you can navigate your way to the Barbican you never have to prove yourself again.

The talk was arranged by a guy called Kester. He read Born To Run the same time as me, when it was first released, unlike me he then headed out to Mexico to meet Caballo and see the Tarahumara people for himself .

In real life Caballo comes across as more easy going and humorous than he does in the book.

Caballo Blanco - the man, the myth. Managed to find his way to the Barbican in London so will never have to prove himself again.

The Early Years

Caballo started by giving an overview of how he started in ultra running. In the 1970's he was mainly involved in martial arts, then about 1980, '81 he started long distance running. In the mid 1980's he went to Guatemala, where he continued to run, including running across volcanoes. It was in Guatemala that the locals gave him the name Caballo Blanco (white horse). He takes this sobriquet with good humour, for anyone who thinks he gave himself the name in an over serious way, the opposite is true. As he himself says, the name has been 'good medicine for me' and it is a cool name to be given.

Around about this time he entered a 50 mile ultra in Wyoming, which he won. In typical self effacing style Caballo points out this was back when no one had really heard of ultra running, hardly anyone did it and there weren't the number of events there are now.

It seems in America it is still possible to disappear, tramp up and down the country and wander. May be its something to do with the frontier mindset and the myth of the west and the wilderness. Its possible for someone to go to Central America and then return  Colorado and get seasonal work and then go again. The same themes appear in books like Into The Wild and Ghost Riders. In the UK this just isn't possible, its too small, living outside of any system is almost impossible.

Leadville.

In the late 80's Caballo started entering the Leadville 100 miler in his local area of Colorado. You could turn up and run back then, no need to enter 8 months before hand.

In 1993 he had a mountain bike accident. I believe this is the first year the Tarahumara entered the race, and Caballo recounts the story of getting passed by an old guy wearing a skirt who gave the traditional Tarahumara greeting of 'we are one' as he overtook Caballo. The person who overtook him was 55 year old Victor Churro, and he won the race.

In '94 Caballo crashed his truck in Guatemala on the 1st January and missed the entry for Leadville. He was invited to be a pace maker for one of the Tarahumara that year, and paced him through the last 50 miles. Caballos fascination with the Tarahumara had begun.

Copper Canyon

Caballo then went to the Copper Canyon to see the Raramuri (what the local Indians call themselves, Tarahumara is a name given to them by the Spanish) in action.


The rest is history as they say. Caballo living down in the canyon and then starting the Copper Canyon ultra, a run of approximately 50 miles. The run made famous by Chris McDougall in Born To Run.

During the talk Caballo showed a video of the run and the copper canyon. As it says in the video, if you finish you win, enjoy it and you win, wake up the next day and you win. He emphasises the Raramuri concept of 'Korima' which means sharing or gift. The idea that running is part of the community, part of who they are and who we are. Also the idea that the winners win quite a few tonnes of donated corn as well as some prize money, which all non Raramuri winners always give back.

You get the sense that when Caballo started the event, the Raramuri had lost much of their running culture, with many working away from the area and more used to pick up trucks than sandals. And as we know from Born To Run, quite a few of the Copper Canyons ultras were won by North Americans.

In recent years though the Tarahumara have won the last three Copper Canyon ultras. They are running and practicing again. I think this is very much to do with the concept of Ignition as explained by Daniel Coyle in The Talent Code. Are the Raramui any better genetically designed to run than we are, probably not, but if you see someone from your village out their winning the race, getting respect, winning money and corn and re-igniting a tradition; you are much more likely to go out there and start engaging in some deep practice.

Q & A

At the end of the talk Caballo took questions. I wont list all the questions but the ones relevant to running.

Firstly, what does he think of barefoot running? It's not a panacea for everything, sometimes you need to wear running shoes. He especially likes it if the trainers are free! There's a risk that barefoot running moves away from what it was to just another of selling you expensive (minimalist) footwear. Theres nothing wrong with people making money from it, but it can become a cult. His views on this are sensible and pretty much what I think as well. (See my blog here).

Nature vs Nurture debate? Are the Raramuri genetically designed to run? Not so much that they are designed to run but they are closer to the land and their genetic memory of what it means to run.  I would go along with the concepts outlined in The Talent Code and Bounce - if you come from a culture of running, you probably spend a lot of time practicing to run, like the traditional Tarahumara ball and stick running game. Then part of that culture was lost but re-ignited with Copper Canyon ultra and media interest.

When do you hit the wall in an ultra? I imagine the person who asked this has never run one. As Caballo says, it can happen at anytime. In my experience it can happened at 1km or the whole run can feel like you're running along the wall with someone throwing stones at you.

Again his advice is common sense, if you're running and injured then stop. Better to be able to run in a few days time and not be permanently injured.

Can anyone run 100 miles? Yes, he thinks anyone can do it.. If you want to. The cut of times are generous, you've just got to keep moving. Try, if you fail, try again. His love of running really comes across, anyone can do it, for the love of the trail and the experience, its not about elite runners and winning.

We Are The Zen Runners

In the Q&A Caballo made the point that we are the zen runners. The Raramuri didn't understand why someone would be out running just to run, if there is no prize money at the end and someones not paying you to do it, then why do it. This is a very similar response that you get from Kenyan and Ethiopian runners, they do it to make a living, they can't understand running for the sake of it, they don't have that luxury. This is probably why there are no East Africans running ultras unlike the big city marathons, no prize= no point.

It will be interesting to see if as ultras become more popular and semi professional with prize money and sponsorship if the East Africans start entering and destroy everyone.

For the rest of us though, trail running and ultra running have nothing to do with sponsorship, or winning. If it all becomes too popular and you can't enter events with a 2 year waiting list, you do what Caballo did and what humans have always done - head out into the wilderness and run.

As Caballo says we are the zen runners, the one running just to run. We are the ones paying hundreds of dollars to enter events to see if we can do them, to push ourselves, to see what's possible.

The Man The Myth

Caballo comes across as the type of guy who never intended to be famous. He was living the life he wanted to and his path happen to intersect with that of Christopher McDougall. It makes you think of all those non famous people out there living extra-ordinary lives, doing what they do with no media attention.

Of course, Caballo just gave us a brief sketch of his life in the hour or so he was talking. Compressing a lifetime into 60 minutes is near on impossible. There must be more to the story, he intimated that he is writing a biography, and if it comes out I will certainly buy it. There is a whole other story there somewhere, the martial arts that were hinted at, the back story, the childhood, the motivations.

The truth is the back ground could be extra-ordinary or it could be plain old average. Like all of us the choices you make and the life you lead is ultimately up to you.

I worked out that he must be about 58 or 59 years old, though he doesn't look that age. He has that look, that zen monk timeless look, a lifetime on the road look but not haggard. Relaxed and at ease with himself. If you're on the road enough these are the type of guys you meet. Always good to talk to, have a story or two hidden but honest ('to live outside the law you must be honest'). These guys are always out there, I've met them in the Nepalese Himalayas and the desert bars of Nevada. You cross paths and then never see them again. They're not running just moving. The past is not hidden just obscured by a lifetime of movement.


Finish

Thanks to Kester for bringing Caballo over to the UK to this talk and a few others.

Much of this I wrote from memory as I was too busy listening to Caballo to take too many notes, any mistakes or omissions are my own.

I never got to ask Caballo my question, maybe next time.

Bon Courage

If you've ever been running in France at some point someone will probably say 'Bon courage' to you. It doesn't have an exact English equivalent, but I would say it means something along the lines of be brave, stay strong, hang in there, good luck and you can do it - all rolled into one phrase.

Courage - the English word is easy to understand. Why keep running, why not stop?

Steve Prefontaine said

"A lot of people run a race to see who is fastest. I run to see who has the most guts"

Steve Prefontaine - the good don't always dies young, but sometimes that do. Plus that moustache alone should make him a hero

Ultra running is just that. The fittest and the fastest don't always finish, the ones with the most guts do.

Stories Of 'Ordinary Madness'

Every race or event has there stories. Not so much the short runs, but when you go long, over hours and days ordinary people start to do epic things. The Trans Aq this year was no different. Here are few snap shots.

A young Japanese competitor injured his knee a day or two in, not just a niggle, but a swelling and haemarthrosis. Forced to slow down to a walking pace and hobble, he kept going all the way to the finish line. Bowing his head every time someone passed him out on the trail. The cheer that went up when he crossed the line and everyone patting him on the back, showed how much everyone respected him for what he had done.

A British guy, again injuring his knee on day 2, unable to bend it, but again just kept going all the way to the finish.

Another British guy, twisted his ankle, an old injury, strapped up he kept going. Maybe the demons of abandons in the MDS and a previous Trans Aq kept him going. But he finished this one, the demons vanquished for a while.

Another British guy, went the wrong way on day 3, the long day, added approximately another 3k to the total distance for that day (took him to about 62 or 63km for that day if I remember). The race leader also went the wrong way on that day, but he abandoned after that. The fittest don't always finish, the ones who want it and have the most guts do.

(Plus there is some luck, one person bitten by an insect and having an anaphylactic reaction had to abandon, not much you can do about that).

'Conquistadors Of The Useless'

Of course, carrying on in the face of major injury seems illogical and insane to the outsider looking in. And in everyday real life if someone had a haemarthrosis or oedema and swelling or ankle sprain I would tell them to stop immediately, rest, ice, elevate, as well as taken all the usual painkillers and anti-inflammatories. In ultra runs, you only end up doing the very last of these things.

But why risk permanent injury, it doesn't make sense in the real world. In the hyper-reality of the event though, it makes perfect sense.

Even in my own case, I injured myself, blood coming out of my right heel, eventually turning into an open wound. Even now, three weeks after the event it is still healing, I tried running this morning and had to curtail it and return home. But during the event it didn't even occur to me to stop, I didn't even get medical treatment on during the event as I didn't want to get a time penalty. Again, sitting here in the middle of everyday life this doesn't make sense, but out there on the trail it made perfect sense.

Why do ordinary people keep going and push themselves? Because the demons are chasing them, the demons of possible failure, the demon memories of previous abandons, the demons of unfinished business. And these are all self imposed demons. No one back at home cares whether you finish or not, you could go back and say you had to abandon, and they would say 'Oh well, are you going to do it again then, cup of tea?'. The demons are all constructs in your own mind. They will chase you down the trail, down the fire breaks, across the black top of the fire roads in the forest, over the sand dunes all the way to final stretch on the beach. And when you see the ocean, it looks bluer than it did a few days before. You left the demons behind, don't stop, don't look back, you've out run them; for a while at least. When the state of grace fades, they'll be back and the next challenge will form in your mind.

To the outsider it can seem like you are a conquistador of the useless. No prize money, no fame, no acclaim, you could of stayed at home and been a conquisatodor of the mundane. This only seems useless if you are the type of person who is content with the comfort, who never looks to the horizon and wonders 'what if' and 'could I do that'? Bon courage to all those who think this and attempt to reach their goal in whatever their chosen field is.

All is mythic. Everyone has their own story. The reason you hang in there, and you stay strong and have courage is because ordinary life bumbles along. In the words of Neil Young

'It's better to burn out than to fade away' and 'Rust never sleeps'

These are the moments you will look back, did I do that, yes I did that. 'When I get old hope I don't sit around thinking about it, but I probably will', Glory Days indeed. Even if it leaves you with 'nothing but boring stories mister', what's the alternative, no stories at all?

Fade

These events are exercises in transformation,  internal alchemy. You are defined by the things you do. I read something by strength coach Vern Gambetta recently

'Define yourself, do not let others define you'

So to all you Trans Aq finishers, bon courage, to all of you out there defining who you want to be, bon courage, and to all of you about to push your limits in some fashion, bon courage. Keep moving forward, because moving backwards ain't no move at all.

The Trans Aq was only 3 weeks ago, but already ordinary life is over taking. It becomes harder and harder to capture the essence of what it is.To try and take an experience and verbalise it.

Michael Herr in Dispatches (page 30 for those of you following along)

'This is already a long time ago, I can remember the feelings but I can't still have them. A common prayer for the over-attached: You'll let it go sooner or later, why not do it now?'

The final word goes to Steve Prefontaine again

'You have to wonder at times what you're doing out there. Over the years, I've given myself a thousand reasons to keep running, but it always comes back to where it started. It comes down to self-satisfaction and a sense of achievement.'

Simple as that. Stay Frosty and if I see you on to road somewhere, bon courage! Yes, you are a runner, this is what you do. And as the years fly past, it will begin to seem like a series of dreams.




*Conquistadors of the Useless is the name of a book by Lionel Terray about mountaineering and stuff which I need to buy and read at some point.
And yes, this post does reference a Bruce Springsteen song as well.